-
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or
pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez,
better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a
few minutes early.
-
Get a copy of the exam, run out
screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
-
If it is a math/science exam,
answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with
numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
-
Make paper airplanes out of the
exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
-
Talk the entire way through the
exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out
loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear
me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the
instructor is.
-
Bring cheerleaders.
-
Walk in, get the exam, sit
down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor,
"I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all
semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's
the regular guy?"
-
Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear,
etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
-
On the answer sheet (book,
whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every
question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the
grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
-
Bring pets.
-
Run into the exam room looking
about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor,
say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and
run off.
-
Fifteen minutes into the exam,
stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them
into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're
really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the
first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
-
Do the exam with crayons,
paint, or fluorescent markers.
-
Come into the exam wearing
slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
-
Come down with a BAD case of
Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
-
Do the entire exam in another
language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science
exams, try using Roman numerals.
-
Bring things to throw at the
instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest
to you.
-
As soon as the instructor hands
you the exam, eat it.
-
Walk into the exam with an
entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during
the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive.
Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they
are allowed to stay.
-
Every five minutes, stand up,
collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the
exam.
-
Turn in the exam approximately
30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it
was.
-
Do the entire exam as if it was
multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam,
spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
-
Bring a black marker. Return
the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
-
Get the exam. Twenty minutes
into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "The Heck
with this!" and walk out triumphantly.
-
Arrange a protest before the
exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not
everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
-
Show up completely drunk.
(Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should
start crying for mommy).
-
Every now and then, clap twice
rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head
when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
-
Comment on how sexy the
instructor is looking that day.
-
Come to the exam wearing a
black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start
yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they
drag you away.
-
Go to an exam for a class you
have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the
instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have
been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
-
Upon receiving the exam, look
it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me
to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
-
Bring a water pistol with you.
Nuff said.
-
From the moment the exam
begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests
for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or
another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
-
Start a brawl in the middle of
the exam.
-
If the exam is math/science
related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get
pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written
exam, relate everything to your own life story.
-
Come in wearing a full knight's
outfit, complete with sword and shield.
-
Bring a friend to give you a
back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is
needed, because you have bad circulation.
-
Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER
CLASS (make sure this is obvious...like history notes for a calculus
exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out
too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use
the attached notes for references as you see fit."
-
When you walk in, complain
about the heat. Strip.
-
After you get the exam, call
the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try
to work it out of him/her.
-
One word: Wrestlemania.
-
Bring balloons, blow them up,
start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
-
Try to get people in the room
to do the wave.
-
Play Frisbee with a friend at
the other side of the room.
-
Bring some large, cumbersome,
ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a
small sacrifice.
-
Get deliveries of candy,
flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
throughout the exam.
-
During the exam, take apart
everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
-
Complete the exam with
everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
-
Bring a musical instrument with
you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it
helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you,
challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told
you so".
-
Answer the exam with the
"Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
